„It’s my drama and I cry if I want to“

FCSP vs. FCK 2-0

To help me drift into sleep, I often listen to an Indian guru doing what gurus do: speaking sonorously. Well, more accurately, I listen to his German translator’s voice; it’s so soothing and inherently friendly – shoutout to M., who uses our podcast as a lullaby; whether that’s a compliment, you can decide ;).

Essentially, the guru’s aphorisms revolve around the idea that our minds turn the whole world into a drama; we create our own drama. Buddhists call it attachment. And what can a St. Pauli fan be more attached to than the magical FC?

On matchday morning, I wake up early. I had left the window in the bedroom wide open, allowing the morning’s damp cold to creep under my blanket. A clammy cold that would linger throughout the day – boy, was I chilled after the game.

The drama unfolded over coffee; M. called to discuss the net that FC St. Pauli couldn’t fix in six weeks and would obstruct our view of the pitch for the first game of 2024 – worse yet, it would further isolate us on the Nord stand; cut us off from what we consider a part of ourselves: the Millerntor.

„I can’t fathom,“ says M., „how one can install such a net that only experts can work on every few months? – It’s so sturdy; you could grow hops on it.“

„Yeah, yeah, the shortage of skilled workers,“ I reply, realizing that the topic, which I hoped was left behind in 2023, is catching up with me. There it was again, the self-made drama. I could just ignore the issue, view it as the uninvolved folks on Facebook do, always writing that the benevolent club surely knows what it’s doing.

„I guess I’m still far from Buddha status,“ I laugh awkwardly into the phone. Well, at least now I know what’s persistently pricking me about the monster net. Almost as soon as I think it, M. says it: „On the Süd, that net wouldn’t have lasted a week. But with us second-class members on the Nord, they think they can get away with it.“

W. joins the conversation and accomplishes what M. and I can’t – he pulls us out of the doom and gloom. „The important thing is that we and the others meet in the stadium – forget about the club and the net.“ Okay, we can agree on that. St. Pauli is just a human thing. W. seems much closer to mastering the drama, I think, and I dive in – onto the Nord, onto the net, the region.


„Keep an eye on the ’36‘,“ says Willi as we stand at the far left edge of the Nord in the damp and cold train, blowing precisely through our underwear and around our necks from southwest to northeast. During the game, Willi occasionally turns around when our new recruit from Köpenick seizes the ball and promptly passes it dangerously forward. I nod: saw it, W.

„No wonder Kemlein wasn’t an option,“ says S., whom we always pick up in front of the Domwache.

I can even see a quarter of the pitch without the net – and yes, it makes a difference. The Boys in Brown do everything to pull me out of my drama into another one; and they do it well.

Earlier, Daggi had already lifted me from gloomy thoughts when, during the introduction of Hürzibaby, she appended a silent question mark: „our coach is and … remains …(?) … Fabian? …“ Wonderful. Even the education on how to greet Maurides – Junior, that is – almost fully recharges me. Is there anything better to connect players and the stadium – to attach?


The Friday demo still resonates in the stadium, even though we can’t muster a roar for „the whole of Hamburg hates the AfD.“ In the stadium, everyone hates the DFL. I don’t attach well to the word „hate,“ but okay. I know what it means.

At least, this is new in 2024; we keep a clean sheet and score goals. Two more than the opponent – who alone could have hit the goal seven times in four minutes. Had to watch the slapstick (yeah, sorry, it is) on TV; couldn’t see it through the net. Could only hear that the ball apparently didn’t go into the net.

An exciting game that the Boys rightfully win. Just the goal-scoring part needs to improve somehow, D. complains. We might become the Nord’s corner of complaints, I briefly think and brush the thought aside. Because this time we stand a bit lower, next to very nice people who don’t spend the whole game yelling and criticizing our boys.

Once again, Marcel Hartel is the player of the match – despite wearing gloves. 😉

In the afternoon, I make a defiant Brussels sprouts pesto and watch a lot of football on TV; man, we were lucky that Kaiserslautern messed up and we have Manolis on the line.

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About the author

Sophia Bennett is an art historian and freelance writer with a passion for exploring the intersections between nature, symbolism, and artistic expression. With a background in Renaissance and modern art, Sophia enjoys uncovering the hidden meanings behind iconic works and sharing her insights with art lovers of all levels. When she’s not visiting museums or researching the latest trends in contemporary art, you can find her hiking in the countryside, always chasing the next rainbow.